Still [Levi x Reader] [AU]

As the sun peeked out from behind the horizon, spying on the city, a few strands of its golden light seeped through the thick clouds. A heavy wind bent the trees to its will, sending the crusty leaves swirling helplessly into the open. The streets still remained peaceful, save for a few cars and the cheerful twitter of the few birds remaining at home for the winter mildly disturbing that peace. The citizens were now waking up from their slumber, rubbing the crust from their eyes, stretching their stiff limbs and laying out their clothes for the day. With a quick cup of coffee and some breakfast, they would be fueled and ready to go.

The sun managed to penetrate a frosty window, lightly touching Levi’s eyelids. With every bit of effort he could muster, he managed to flutter them open, allowing his pupils to adjust to the intrusion. Nothing but warmth enveloped him. The back of her head still rested against his chest, her hair awkwardly draped over her shoulder. A weary smile graced his lips. One arm tightened around her waist, pulling her body protectively towards him. His other slid through the small opening between her neck and the pillow and was captured by hers. She gripped his hand close to her, her lips almost brushing against his knuckles. Her slow, steady breathing indicated she was still submerged in sleep. With a quiet groan, he shuffled to his back, pulling her towards him and placing her cheek against the curve in his neck, cradling her carefully. She stirred a little but instantly stopped, letting her arm rest in its new placement around his waist. Sighing deeply, he kissed the top of her head before closing his eyes again. The heat from her skin against him, the sound of her rhythmic breathing put him at ease and allowed him to drift away...

The sun rose higher, once again reminding the city’s inhabitants that life was ready to begin again. The light attacked him with greater force, compelling him to awaken. As he slowly pulled himself into consciousness, a painful throb circulated around his head. With an irritated moan, he rubbed his eyes and looked up at the small, black alarm clock on his dresser, vision still cloudy:

11:05 AM.

Sliding his fingers through his black hair, he aggressively threw the wool blankets off, tossed his legs over and buried his face in his hands. His eyes still burned from the previous night, and he was pretty sure they had swelled to the size of jumbo marbles. For a moment or two, he remained in this position, face completely blank, until regained the energy to at least stand and walk towards the window. He watched the people turn into blurs and specks, going about their day. Cars and taxis filled the streets as they transported them to their destinations. A bird landed on the balcony in front of his window and quickly preened itself before continuing its flight.

Just another day. Not like any other. His shoulders drooped a little. With a deep sigh, he shuffled to his bathroom, lazily switched on the light switch. He gripped the edges of the sink and raised his head to meet the face in the mirror; pale and washed out, a perfect sign of the restless nights for the passed few weeks. Prominent, dark circles, outlining his hollowed, stoic eyes with swollen veins creeping over the ends. The tops of his cheek bones protruding just a little more than they would, hair disheveled and unkempt. He saw no reason to go out today.

In one fluid motion, Levi pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it in the nearby laundry basket. The rest of his clothes were soon to follow. He turned on his shower, letting the water run over his fingertips, testing the heat. He got inside and allowed it to warm his entire body. He inhaled deeply, the steam clearing his sinuses. He wouldn’t close his eyes, afraid he might fall asleep and collapse on the floor. However, his lids were low and heavy, lost in a fog of reminiscence. His pulse slowed to a steady rhythm. His headache eased back a little.

Showering always calmed him. He guessed it was the thought of washing away all the excess filth or maybe a symbol of washing away bad feelings or memories he couldn’t seem to shake off. He wished he could remain here just for the relaxation he never seemed to get from the outside world. Here, time stopped. The world stood still, and he was able to forget everything.

Alas, time cannot halt for anyone. After a half hour or so, he turned of the water, dried himself off and pulled out his clothes for the day. Try as he may, he couldn’t drown out the nagging in the back of his head, the facts or memories he couldn’t change. As he dragged himself into his kitchen, he pressed his lips into a thin line. He turned on his coffee machine and placed himself in a seat next to the counter. Rubbing his forearms roughly, he watched the black fluid fill his pot drip by drip, the remaining glass distorting the black pattern against the wall behind it.

He closed his eyes, leaning against the palm of his hand. Fatigue still lingered so close, his eyelids were unable to fight them anymore. Just as he had dreaded, images began to flash through the front of his mind:

She approached the table with the small mug, the coffee a light brown from the cream and sugar. With a yawn, she sat down and leaned into the crook of her arm, closing her eyes. After he completely prepared himself for the day, he wandered into the kitchen. Once he found his lover there, he sneaked up and yanked the ends of her hair.

“Hey,” she muffled into her sleeve.

“Wow, [Name],” he said, claiming a seat next to her. “You look shitty. You still tired, lazy ass?”

“Not necessarily,” her eyes rolled over to meet his. “It was just so warm and cozy.”

“Yeah, yeah, pathetic excuses,” he took a hold of her shoulder and pulled her over to him.

Cupping her face in his hands, he gazed into the sleepy face looking up at him. Her hair was still frizzy, her lids half closed, and the breath from her nostrils slow and steady, the same as if she had been asleep.

He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Yikes.”

She snickered, stealing a light kiss from his lips. “Good. I love you too.”

The coffee pot beeped loudly in his ear, forcing him to wake up. It was full and ready to be poured. He jerked the cabinet open, gripped a cup and slammed it on the countertop.

Pandora’s box had been opened, and now, every one of those images replayed vividly. He clenched his teeth and dug his teeth into his bottom lip. With his arms slinking to his side, he shuffled over to the couch and collapsed like a rock. He wished he slammed his head hard enough against the arm-at least he would be completely unconscious.

Levi saw no reason to fight his brain anymore. With a tired exhale, he closed his eyes:

Returning home after a long day only to be greeted by her happy smile and an excited embrace. Locking sweaty fingers together after a run or a walk. Watching her write in heavy concentration, chewing the inside of her cheek, her eyebrows furrowed and the corners of her eyes slightly crinkled. Cooking small meals together in her cramped kitchen.

A small, crooked smile perched on his lips, altering his usually impassive expression, and he rested an arm across his forehead, blocking out the light from the rest of the world:

Taking her home after a date while rolling the windows down, getting stuck in the rain but only for her to run and jump in every puddle spotted, lying across the couch wrapped in a blanket and each other’s arms, watching the snow fall through a frosty window, the delicate skin of her lips meeting his then their passions slowly intensifying.

Slowly, he lifted his other arm and rubbed the back of his hand over his lips. He felt her arms circling about him so tightly. He felt her fervent lips, traveling up and down his neck and over his chest and face. He was engulfed by the heat of her skin against his body as he settled on top of her, their legs entwining together in order to meet in fullest.

He caught himself wrapping an arm around himself, allowing the other hand to slip under his shirt, trailing a finger over the cold skin he found there. His eyes were still closed, as if he was lost in a trance no one could break him from. Moans barely audible escaped through parted lips.

A heated fight, tears, faces red with fatigue and anger, long nights spoiled away with cursing and alcohol.

He shook his head violently in attempt to drive them away. Each image stabbed his heart, bringing him back to the reality he so wanted to ignore.

A desperate reunion full of shirt tugging and clumsy kisses, awkward but heartfelt apologies, nights spent in tighter embraces.

“F-fuck,” he grumbled, still stuck in that spinning limbo.

A hospital bed, muted, flickering lights, the lifeless beeping of the machinery, frozen fingers linked together, a package dripping fluid into tired veins.

Levi jolted upward and looked at the clock:

12:05 PM. Another hour wasted away. No point leaving now.

He was late and couldn’t muster any strength to face anyone. Time can’t stop for anyone. The world turns just as it always has. Day and night come and go, nothing different. People go on with their daily lives, unperturbed.

Just another day, not like any other.

Gathering what energy he contained left, Levi hauled himself back to the bedroom, his passive expression concealing the inward crumbling. After closing off the light blasting through his window, he turned back to his bed, the only other place he seemed to find serenity. He crawled under the blankets and settled into the pillow. With one last deep exhale, he closed his eyes:

“A lazy day, huh?” she said, pulling the covers over her head.

“Why not?” he tossed his jacket and tie aside and started to unbutton his shirt. “Erwin can’t bitch at me. I got more vacation than most of those idiots anyway. I can take the day off if I damn well please.”

She chuckled. “Whatever, I’m not arguing,” the coffee failed to work on her, so it didn’t take long for her to fall into another state of drowsiness.

Once he lazily drooped his suit over the baseboard and returned to his baggy, warm pajamas, Levi slipped in bed and nestled himself as close to her side as he could. He took a moment simply to gaze into his lover’s peaceful face, eyes heavy and glazed over. With a weary smile, she leaned in to kiss his mouth, sluggishly but profoundly all the same. Wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her head into the groove of his neck. his muscles gave out and relaxed as he approached the edge of sleep. Once again, he found himself lost in a dream, one that never seemed to end.