Frozen Heart [Levi x Elsa] [CRACK FIC]

ONCE UPON A TIME,

IN A MAGICAL LAND FAR AWAY,

Or, uh...the headquarters of the Scout Regiment,

there lived a grumpy, old man (who was actually 34 years old) named Levi Ackerman who hated Valentine’s day.

Actually, he hated almost everything, except for tea and cleaning shit. (not literally cleaning shit, but cleaning stuff. I mean, who enjoys that?) But, today, he hated Valentine’s day, because that horrid day had finally come.

How the freaking alternate 800s knew about Valentine’s day remained a mystery.

Anyway, he sat in his office chair, thinking about how much he wished for the day to disappear altogether. Flowers? Chocolates? Sappy cards? PFFT, the whole lot of it was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He never understood why such a day was dedicated merely to LOVE. Like there wasn’t enough sappy bullshit to go around.

Perhaps, deep down, he was just lonely.

Perhaps, his heart had been so spurned and frozen by his past that he was to afeared for someone to take it.

Or...

he was just a grumpy, old asshole.

Either way, it forced him to remove himself from the comfort of his desk and leave his cramped space.Some fresh air was needed right about now.

Unlike the warmth going around in everyone’s hearts, the February air was frigid. Billowing clouds had just gathered together to cover everything in their path with sheets of snow/ Sparkling flakes already began to fall. After tightening his cape around his shoulders, he placed himself beneath the tree farthest from everything.

Ahhh, he was finally away from all the brain-cell killing lovebirds in there.

BUT, JUST AS HE WAS ABOUT TO CLOSE HIS EYES FOR ANAP, A BOLT OF LIGHTNING STRUCK FROM THE HEAVENS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. His heart nearly stopped, and he jolted back into the tree, hitting his head against the bark.

“WHAT THE FUCK? A TITAN?” he exclaimed, pulling out his swords and bracing himself for battle.

The smoke slowly but surely cleared. But, no Titan was to be seen. He perceived faint coughs and a shadow that emerged in the smoke and the now heavy snow.

Levi dared to take a step closer. He was limber, right, ready for action.

But, what he saw absolutely and completely....confused the hell out of him.

Immediately, he lowered his weapons.

“A woman? What the fuck?”

Sure enough, a woman with silvery blonde hair and icy blue eyes emerged from the darkness, waving the flakes and dust from her eye. When she glanced up, she yelped and jumped back upon seeing the short Captain.

“S-Stay back!” she cried as she held up her hands.

Levi simply raised an eyebrow. The lady certainly was lovely on the eyes. However, three thoughts circulated in his mind: 1) why the fuck was she trying to use her hands as a weapon? 2) Where the fuck did she come from? and 3) How the fuck was she able to move around in that longass dress and cape?

However, seeing the terror in her eyes, he sheathed his blades. “Don’t worry,” he grumbled. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

She remained in her position, brows still furrowed.

He sighed. “When I saw the lightning strike, I thought you were...something else, but obviously, you aren’t, so calm down.”

She wasn’t sure how, considering his ridiculously monotonous tone, but she could sense he was telling the truth. He looked like an a official that ran this place. Perhaps he could help. Slowly, she plastered her arms to her side. Clearing her throat, she began,

“Forgive me for my prudence. I was simply terrified.”

He blinked for two seconds. “Uh-huh. So, what happened to you?”

Folding her arms over her chest, she shrugged. “One minute, I was at home leaving my sister with her...boyfriend, I suppose. Then, I left for some fresh air. Next thing I know, I pass out and wake up here.”

Levi found himself staring at the woman’s grace and beauty. Such a cold, etherial and majestic presence she held.

Shaking his head, he nodded. “I see...and you are?”
“Hm? Ah, but of course, pardon my rudeness,” she straightened her back and cleared her throat. “I am Queen Elsa of Arendelle.”

“Elsa,” he repeated to himself. Pretty name. Pretty name for a pretty lady. In fact, she was-wait...where the hell were these thoughts coming form? Clearing his throat, he held out his hand to her. “Levi. Captain Levi Ackerman.” He tried to make himself sound equally important...to a queen.

Yeah, that did a lot.

Oh, well.

She smiled a bit taking his hand and shook it firmly. Her fingers were like icicles. “It’s a pleasure, Captain.”

“Psh, just call me Levi.”

She smirked a bit, raising a dark eyebrow. Ooo, it looked like this chicka had some SASS.

And he liked it.

“So, Levi,” she began. “Can you tell me where I am?”

“What do you mean? Your in the headquarters of the Scouting Regiment,” he said with a scoff.

“As you can guess, I don’t know exactly what those words mean.”

Suddenly, a thin trail of sparkling snow swirled around her, thicker and thicker until it was almost like a damn tornado.

“Uh, uh, what the fuck is that-?” he stepped back.

Her muscles seemed tense, and the more she tensed, the thicker the little storm around her came.

“Obviously, you’re from a fucking different planet,” he half grumbled.

She bit her lip, took a deep breath,and slowly, the mini tornado dissipated, much to his relief, otherwise he’d be a damn frozen statue.

“I told you, I am from Arendelle,” she pressed the bridge of her between her thumb and index.

Damn, that was adorable too. Was everything she did adorable?

“Well, I can tell you one thing for certain,” Levi said, clearing his throat. “Whatever the fuck that lightning was, it transported you here, this hellhole known was Wall Maria, Rose and Sina.”

With a nod, she tapped her lip. “I see.”

And for what seemed like an eternity, she was lost in her thoughts, leaving Levi on pins and needles.

And staring...

And staring...

And staring some more...

Taking in all those lovely details...

And feeling like a moron...

And feeling even more like a moron...

HOW LONG WAS SHE JUST GONNA STAND THERE PONDEROUSLY THINKING PONDEROUS THINGS?

AT LAST, the elegant queen managed to crack a cocky smile.

Damn, it was hot.

“It’s just as well,” she stated wistfully. “Everyone in my home town discovered my secret.”

Levi blinked for two seconds. Was she expecting a follow up question?

But, before he could do that, she gently waved about her hand, and suddenly, ice danced about her nimble fingers. “I have this power you see,” the longer she twirled her hands, the larger the mass became until she made it burst into millions of tiny flakes. “I can make and control ice and snow.”

His eyes nearly bulged at the sight, and his stomach dropped. “Well, fuck me sideways,” he grumbled.

“Beg your pardon?”

“Ahh-uh, absolutely nothing,” smooth, Levi, he thought. “You know, that power would be a great asset to the Scouts.”

Elsa raised her brows in surprise. “It...it would?”

“Yes,” he crossed his arms, staring into the grey sky. “We got some pretty freaky ass bullsh-...things going on here too.”

“Hm, I see.”

“While you have those powers,” he continued. “we fight these giant, man eating creatures called Titans. Been fighting them for what seems like fuc-...forever.”

Her face softened a bite, crystal eyes full of sympathy. “I am sorry to hear that.”

He tried to withhold a smirk but the corner of his mouth had other plans. “It’s not your fault. But, like I said, I bet your powers could come in real handy. You should join us, and together, we can kick some Titan asssss-I mean, show them what we’re made of....Yeah,” he felt his stomach twist and turn at his idiotic slip ups.

But, grinning widely, she clasped her hands together. “You mean, I can actually use my powers for a greater cause instead of hiding it? Like I’ve been for all these years?”

“Tch, what would be the use in that? You go all out on them. We can’t argue with that.”

The Queen’s heart burst with joy, and without even thinking, she threw her arms about his neck.

His heart nearly stopped right then and there.

“Oh, thank you so much, Levi!” she cried. “You have no idea how much this means to me! I would love to team up with you!”

It was as if timed stopped. A beautiful woman hugging him? A beautiful QUEEN hugging him? A beautiful queen with SUPER POWERS hugging him? Was this the true sign of the apocalypse?

No matter. All he did was lightly pat her back with quivering hands.

“Uh, no problem,” he replied, voice cracking. “But, you’d need to learn how to use our weaponry too, and that isn’t an easy feat.”

After pulling away, she nodded. “I completely understand. But, I can do this.”

Finally, he was at least able to crack a small but legitimate smile. “I’m sure you can.”

And as he lead the Ice Queen back to the headquarters of the Scouting Regiment, taking her by the arm, Levi thought that this was the start of something amazing.


Maybe she would ironically be the one to thaw his frozen heart.







DAS END.