Forward [Daddy!Levi x Mommy!Reader] [2]

Nine years. Nine long, demanding years, and the memory of your passing still clung to Levi’s mind like a parasite slowly draining his life. Instead of finding any healing from his grief, it seemed as though it burrowed further inside, cycling in his mind over and over, replaying, sometimes visualizing what your death was like. He never saw your corpse. He did not dare answer that question, knowing well the guilt would torture him more if that was even possible at this point. Still, the horrendous images of your fragile bones being crushed, your life being snuffed away in an instant when you managed to preserve yourself so strongly for so long twisted his insides.

How merciless the fates were: lives were so difficult to protect and keep but so disturbingly easy to destroy.

The ride across the open plains was weighed by a silence. His original Squad weren’t there to lighten the mood with their chatter. You weren’t there to comfort and cheer up the scared, new cadets. The quietness was induced by a choking fear.

Except for a few young cadets; his children, Leon, Faith and Matthias.

Leon, now going on eighteen, possessed the most potential out of his siblings. He trained the hardest. He stayed out in the fields. He sparred with companions, and he inherited the piss poor attitude of his father. Though he withheld his tongue better than he could, Leon was the spitting image of Levi. But, unlike him, he worked better with his Squad, instilling in him the makings of a great, future Captain. During any feuds between the family or his cadets, he was the voice of reason. Even if his wording wasn’t the most eloquent, he still possessed insight and an ability to read those close to him that to this day marveled Levi.

Just turning sixteen, Faith’s ever growing, ebony hair lifted with the breeze. Just like her father, her light, silvery eyes and pale skin complimented her sharp features and of course, her sassy attitude. However, to contrast her tomboyish qualities, she still isolated herself from everyone, under a tree, out in the grass, locked in her room, head lowered in her sketchpad. Even as a soldier, she still found time to enjoy her favorite hobby. She conversed when needed but she much preferred staying in her own little world, thinking, daydreaming. Even then, she broke away to tend to the house, replacing the role of her beloved mother. He hated to brag, but she grown to be such a strong, beautiful woman, just like you.

Despite only closing in on fifteen, Matthias had grown to be the tallest of the family, most likely inheriting some hidden genes in your family. He sure as hell didn’t get them from him. Thankfully, he showed no fear but the sadness apparent in his slanted brows, swollen, red eyes and lowered head. He was you from the hair color, your eyes to your personality. But, just like you, he struggled most with his emotions. Every night, since your passing, he crawled into the empty space in your bed to snuggle with his father. But, now that he was older, a soldier, a defender of humanity, he sealed everything inside. He wanted to be just as strong as his older siblings.

Levi swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Despite the warm breeze, rustling the trees and bending the long strands of grass, he was cold. The sun peered behind the clouds. The grass across the open field curved as the breeze carried it, a green streak of light flowing with their waves. No, not even the sunshine could reach the chill in his bones. His mind drifted to last night, for what seemed to be the thousandth time:

No one could sleep last night but the house still filled with a tense, uncomfortable quietness, borderline suffocating. Levi tossed and turned, his mind focussed only on you; your scent, the highlights of your hair in the morning light, the pressure of your arms circling around his waist, countless happy memories that brought him peace in a troubled world. To think that you were gone for nine years seemed impossible to imagine. You still remained so close. He obsessed over what he had lost, day in, day out. Had it not been for his children, he would have plunged head first into the open jaws of madness. The pain your loss left everything inside him trembling, and what disturbed him most was how real you still felt to him. His memories were so strong, so vivd, almost tangible, as if he could reach into the corridors of his crumbling mind and pull you out.

A piercing cry tore out of Matthias’s dry throat. He dreamt of you. He reached out into the thick darkness, aching for your comforting scent, your sweet voice telling you that his nightmares would pass, that his chaotic mind and twisted feelings did not make him crazy, that he would wake up and his pain would magically disappear. When he opened his eyes to find only the empty room to greet him, he buried his face into the pillow, sobbing.

Faith, in the room next to him, tossed and turned, tangling herself in her sheets. She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t relax. Midnight came, and the only thought reeling in her mind was her father shuffling into your home, bloodied and exhausted, and you didn’t accompany him. Attempting to take over your role as such a young age, longing to help Levi in his state of single fatherhood, seemed hopeless to her. You were always her angel. She could never live up to you.

Leon leaned back in his father’s chair, inhaling the scent of ashes and warm charcoal. A few, tiny, orange sparks struggled to keep alive bounced from the fireplace onto the cold bricks, extinguishing in an instant. Though the expedition was tomorrow, his mind wouldn’t shut down. He fully understood now what his father endured every night. Being alone with nothing but his thoughts to accompany him was a sure sign of the coming insomnia he would share. Still, he closed his eyes, trying to ignore disorder within.

“Levi!”

“H-huh?” his heart leapt in his throat at the Commander’s booming voice.

“You take the left! Hanji, the right!”

“Yes, sir!” the woman replied, redirecting her horse’s path, her Squad following close behind.

With a hard swallow, he followed his orders.

“Matthias, I don’t want you going out there tomorrow.”

Somehow, his already exhausted eyes managed to produce more tears. “Dad, I promise I’ll be fine!”

Leon and Faith listened uncomfortably on the couch.

“If I had my way,” the short man continued. “You would all stay here, where it’s safe.”

“Dad, why the change?” the girl’s voice came in soft like a feather’s.

The words that were about to come stabbed his already broken heart. “You know what tomorrow is...I don’t think-” he groaned, grabbing a fist full of his black hair. “I don’t know what I’d do if something bad happened to any of you.”

With a loud gulp, Matthias replied, wiping his eyes on his sleeve,

“We understand that. But, it’s not like it’s gonna happen again. We can protect each other. We always have!”

“But, what if it doesn’t?!” he snapped. The volume caused the boy to jump back.

“There’s always that possibility, Dad,” Leon inserted, folding his arms over his chest.

“We can handle ourselves fine,” his sister added.

“No,” he circled about the living room, one hand on his side the other viciously pulling at his locks. “Any other day, I could tolerate, but not tomorrow. It’s final. I’m not letting you go.”

“Dad!! What about the other cadets?!” the youngest cried, clutching his stomach. “They need us. Without us, they’re dead!”

“We make up a good piece of our Squad,” Leon, though irritated, kept his voice level.

“Matthias, I fucking heard you screaming in there,” his voice caught for a minute, a sob threatening to escape. “You were screaming for your mom.”

“I promise, I’m okay.”

“Are you really? Look at you. Look at all of you! You look terrible!”

Faith sighed. “And what about you, Daddy? Ever since Mom died, you’ve never been the same.”

Levi’s eyes widened.

“You get angry so easily,” as she lowered her head, her thick tresses concealed her face. “You hardly talk to anymore...I mean, it’s not that we haven’t shared good memories...but you still seem so distant. It’s been hard.”

Leon rose from his seat and placed a hand on her shoulder. “We can still contribute. We are strong together. Just let us-”

He shook his head. “No, Any of you could just as easily get fucking crushed like your mom!” he buried his face in his hands as the memories swirled uncontrollably. “I can’t let you go. I can’t let that happen again.”

“Dad,” Leon’s voice rose. “That could be at anytime! We’re always taking chances here-”

“I’m fucking sick of chances and bullshit like that! I can’t afford anymore choices I know I’ll regret,” a muffled cry seeped through Matthias’s clamped hand as Levi spoke.

“Daddy...,” Faith’s whisper trailed off.

“I was stuck with my Squad,” Levi’s voice was no more than a murmur. “I wanted to go find your mom....but I trusted her instead...I stayed with my group. Not a day does by when I don’t feel regret for that.”

“So,” the youngest’s voice cracked. “Are you saying...it’s your fault? That you could have saved her?!”

Once again, Levi was snapped from his train of thought when the tremors of the Titans’ footsteps. Half heartedly, he commanded the positions of his subordinates and took his stand.

“Dad, why didn’t you save her?”

“I trusted in my own abilities. I trusted in your mother’s, but no one can ever predict the outcome. You’ll never know how it will turn out.”

“And....you made the wrong decision?”

Leaping from his horse’s saddle, he rammed the wires into his target and sliced the vulnerable area of his foe.

“Yes, I did.”

He finally admitted it out loud. Though painful, it felt strangely relieving to finally say it, to unleash all of those pent up emotions. Now that the flow started, they fueled his body to slay more of the bastards responsible for your death.

But, the whereabouts of his children tugged at the back of his mind.

He scanned the area; two on the left and one deviant headed towards him and his Squad. Already taking action, two soldiers wrapped around the legs of the bigger one, twist and tangling him. Levi glanced around to see if anyone was watching.

“Damn,” he muttered. “The kids aren’t used to facing deviants...Shit, where are they? Where did their Squad go?”

“Captain! Hurry! Behind you!!”

Again, he kicked himself back into reality and turned to face the Titan, crawling on all fours at a rapid pace. With a grunt, he swerved to the side and pierced its skull. Once more, he jolted back in the air and dug his blades into his neck.

Where are they? The question wormed its way to the front of his brain, practically screaming at him.

As soon as he remounted his horse, Levi dug his heels into its flank and followed his way to the center.

“Wait!! Captain! You’re breaking formation!!”

“Captain, come back!!”



Matthias’s body pressed against the tree, his shoulder pulled out of place and digging into the sensitive nerves of his skin. Legs quivering, he pulled himself to his feet.

“Matthias!! Hurry! Its legs!” his older sister cried.

He shook his head. Once gaining enough momentum, he ran and twisted himself around the fourteen meter Titan’s giant legs. The two younger siblings trapped it, and Leon, lunging from his horse’s saddle, rocketed towards its neck. Once this one collapsed, they moved on to the next one.

Their Squad broke. Two members perished in action. The others fled in fear, most likely killed in the process. Now, they were left on their own, overwhelmed, terrified, but never backing down. Matthias had been thrown to the side, but thankfully, the impact was not enough to kill him. Faith had fallen multiple times, leaving her bruises and jostled. Despite Leon remaining unscathed, his constant concern for his siblings kept his adrenaline rushing must faster than the average cadet.

“Another one, closing in!” he yelled.

“Ah, damn it,” Matthias whimpered, clutching his stomach.

“Calm down, Matt,” the older said. “We’re not out of this yet!”

“Where’s Daddy...?” Faith whispered, half to herself.

“Probably with his Squad, Faith,” he replied. “That’s his job as the Captain.”

Matthias winced and lowered his head, the bouncing of the horse intensifying the sharp pain. In fact, it hurt to even take a breath.

Once the next Titan approached them, they took their formations once more.




Levi road onward, closer to the forest, closer to what felt like the end. The fate of his children, his blood, the only reminder of your existence in this world, hovered at the brink of his horizon: would he be granted with the morning light or a setting sun that brought eternal darkness?

He urged his horse forward as fast as he could force it.

Suddenly, he finally caught a glimpse of a familiar figure. The sight caused a spur of terror so great, the joints in his fingers barely clasped the leather reigns:

Faith and Matthias attempted to wrap their target’s legs, but the angered beast kicked and struggled, jerking their bodies about. Leon’s strike was thwarted when it pivoted and snatched the wires in his gear. Their screams of horror pierced Levi’s heart even deeper.

In a fit of unadulterated rage, the Captain burst forward with energy that burned every muscle, every bone in his body.

Kill was the only thing he lived for at that moment.

With the Titan now distracted with its new playthings, the man roared as he sliced the arm trapping Leon clear off its shoulders. The howl of pain from the Titan seemed to shake every tree in the woods.

The boy pried himself from the fingers. He managed to find a branch to land on. With a light gasp, Leon watched as his father cut off the next arm, the legs beneath it, including Faith and Matthias’s wires. Ribbons of red were embedded into the Titan before it finally met its end, crashing to the ground.

“D-...Dad?”

Sure enough, the familiar facade landed almost softly on its head. Slowly, he turned back to meet his face, the rage now gone, leaving nothing but that inexpressive face that still reminded him that everything would be alright. Almost in an instant, tears welled in his eyes, the bizarre combination of relief, admiration and love tearing through him.

The weak moans of Faith and Matthias grabbed their attention. Leon dropped from his branch, and Levi sprinted over to their side. As the eldest brother pulled his sister close, examining the bruises and cuts, his father pulled his youngest son into his lap.

With a dry cough, Matthias’s glazed eyes grew. “D-Dad?”

“Where does it hurt?” he demanded.

“Nn,” he slowly traced his hand over his shoulder. “I think it’s out of place.”

He nodded then glanced over at Leon.

“She’s fine,” he said. “Just really bruises. Some cuts. But, really, they’re both damn lucky to be here.”

As he said this, she carefully pulled herself up. Much like Leon, her expression was full of an eternal and tender thankfulness.

The alleviation he felt in just that moment nearly took his breath away.

“Dad?”

Circling his head softly in his arms, Levi bent closer to his youngest son’s face.

“You...you chose to come for us?” he whimpered, tears streaking down his filthy cheeks.

He brushed away a few locks of hair off the boy’s forehead. “And it’s one I’ll never regret.”

With more involuntary sobs, Matthias, just as he always had done in his younger days, latched his arms around his father’s neck. Not long after, the other two leaned against him, encircling him with their heat, their love.

The ache in Levi’s chest spread down his arms, his palms as he held his children tightly against him. He was drowned so much in their love, it was all he could breathe, and it was a sensation he never wanted to leave.

Even more still, he could feel you there. He could sense you smiling down on him, on your little ones. He knew that you were smiling in approval.

He could hear you whisper, as light as a dove’s mournful cry,

Thank you.

After reliving this trauma and managing to change the outcome with his children, perhaps, he decided, it was time to forgive himself. His children were wrapped safely in his arms because of his decision.

Perhaps, at last, he could finally move forward.